Restless

Tonight I am restless.
As defined in the Webster Dictionary:

1. characterized by or showing inability to remain at rest: a restless mood
2. unquiet or uneasy, as a person, the mind, or the heart.
3. never at rest; perpetually agitated or in motion: the restless sea.
4. without rest; without restful sleep: a restless night.

(forward: my thoughts are entirely choppy for this entry, just figured you should have  heads up. As I thought, I wrote and my thoughts are not always congruent)

I have gone to bed over an hour ago, i have laid in my bed, just trying to sleep. I have listened to most of my "sleep" playlist and tonight I just cannot seem to fall asleep. I have searched through my brain trying to figure out what is keeping me up, I have yet to figure it out. Maybe I ate something that kept me up, but i have not eaten anything in a few hours, I did not drink any coffee past 2pm. I came to sit outside, so as I type this i am sitting outside my house, on the porch-ish area. 


i am not really sure what i want to share with everyone. I feel like my time is coming to an end.... i know my time is coming to an end. As much as i look forward to seeing my friends and family, i sure will miss this place. I think i am anxious. 


I am anxious about going home, about leaving, about starting my internship, about going back to work and about figuring out my life. this anxiety i'm defining as: "Desire to do something, typically accompanied by unease" It is not constant or even common, but i think it is possibly what is keeping up tonight. I have been thinking about going home for the past couple days.


It is not perfect here, the government is corrupt, the impoverished people are desperate enough to hurt each other, the racism is widespread and the taxes are high. Despite the negative sides to this place, I love it. I think if i lived here long enough it would feel like home. The mountains are visible everywhere you go, the ocean is accessible by train in several directions, hiking and climbing is abundant and it almost never gets below 50* (during the day), even during the winter. For anyone who enjoys nature and wants the most of their outdoor time, this is the place to be. 


I have learned a lot from my time here. I have learned a lot about myself while being here. I am not sure exactly what I want out of life, but I know I am ready for it. I do not fear the unknown future, I look forward to it and have a desire to pursue whatever God's calling is for my life. 


I guess that is all i have to say for now. 
I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas